Vile Beast of the Day: The Senator

Dearest Friends,

Happy Wednesday!  I wanted to take a moment to introduce you to another one of the vile beasts I must put up with every single day of my life.  His name is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III…aka “The Senator”.  The Senator is probably the vilest of all the beasts in this house. If the woman had not taken him in I am certain he would’ve been dead a long time ago.  Let’s just say there’s not a lot of brain cell activity going on…hence, his name.  The woman said she had to give him a sophisticated title and name to hopefully prevent the others in the house from making fun of him.

The Senator does a lot of “out-of-the-box” thinking…he does not like the sensation of litter on his paws so he just lets it rip wherever he is.  The woman has had him checked many many times…there’s nothing physically wrong…he just hates to confine his thinking to a box.  So…to prevent my house from becoming a sewer, he now wears diapers.   And, oddly enough…he LOVES them.  If we can’t confine his thinking to the litter box, we are confining it to his pants.  You see, The Senator loves to wear clothes…in particular hats, shirts and, his beloved nappies.  Here is the evidence:

SenatorHenryJacksonEdwardGravesIII_DiaperSenator Girly LocksHenry the Elf

Some other oddities about The Senator…he does not meow, he barks like a seal, he loves to be fed wet food by a syringe, he likes to lick the walls and he loves the smell of bleach. As you can tell, he’s a perfect member of the Senate!

As you might imagine, The Senator adds to my daily angst…he likes to follow me around. I think he may be a spy or something.  I don’t think he has any Russian contacts but I cannot be certain of this.  He’s always lurking behind me trying to sneak into my office to see the current work I’ve done on my book.  I don’t trust him…so I usually give him some very loud hisses and he runs like his pants are on fire…typical politician.

Okay, I have focused enough on The Senator for the day.  I hope you all have a fabulous Wednesday.  I am going to go lock myself in my office and continue working on my book.

Very truly yours,

Bob the Writer

 

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8 Thoughts

  1. Bob, Bob, Bob, I cannot fathom how you persevere in the face of such adversity. At least The Woman has a kind heart for the less fortunate. And the Senator is probably operating at maximum mental capacity, bless his heart. You truly are a saint to put up with what you do. I salute your intestinal fortitude.

  2. Yes I know I haves momma cat with kittens lurking around for food she is starving so I feed her so she can feed her baby’s but my sons cat would tear her up if I brought them in the things we do

  3. Bob, as much as I do not want to disagree with you, but I have to give serious paws-up to your human(s) for taking care of The Senator! We know it’s not easy to care for a special-needs kitty, but if The Senator enjoys being dressed up and wearing his nappy…well then, it’s all good!

  4. OMG! Today’s post was so funny I spit my Diet Coke out through my nostrils as I was reading it!!

  5. Oh Bob! It must be really hard on you to deal with all of the vile beasties on a daily basis, but I am sending you belly rubs and paw rubs to you!

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