Bob and the Hedgehog

859230_10203711982030202_1269634027313792466_oDearest friends,
I have recently had several interesting conversations with Miss Ellie the Hedgie.  I have to say, I believe she may very well be the most misunderstood living thing on the planet.  I know, I know…I nearly divorced the woman because of Miss Ellie, but…I guess that was because I didn’t really know her.  She didn’t look like me.  She smelled different.  She was all prickly. She sleeps all day and is awake all night.  She lives in a cage.  I just didn’t know what on earth to think.

Over the past week, I have spent some supervised time with her. I realize the woman thinks that she is Doctor Doolittle and can talk with animals but I think she’s clearly missed a few things with Miss Ellie:

21014059_10214243681836115_4457488341867813163_oFirst of all, I was shocked to find out her name is NOT Eleanor Rigby.  Her name is Hedgelina.  She is quite upset that the woman continues to call her by the wrong name.  I explained to her that the woman did the exact same thing to me on the day I rescued her.  She called me J.R. because I saved her on the same day the guy who played JR Ewing died…*oh, I’m sorry…did I just roll my eyes out loud?*  She called me J.R. for the longest time.  Can you believe that?  It was maddening!

Secondly, the woman gives Hedgelina baths because…well…in all honesty she gets stinky…she steps in her poo when she runs on her wheel.  Unfortunately, Hedgelina is scared of the water.  I mean…she is terrified.  She has tried to tell the woman she is scared but the woman just doesn’t understand.  The woman may speak cat but she clearly does not speak hedgehog.


Finally, Hedgelina really does not feel one way or another about the vile beasts except…she likes me and enjoys talking to me and she absolutely despises the vile beast named Freddy.  She says that Freddy was Lord Voldemort in #3 of his past lives.  I KNEW IT!

I’m really sorry I threw a few hissy fits at Miss Hedgelina when she first got here.  I’ve promised to never do that again.  She’s clearly an outstanding judge of character.  I told her we could be friends.  So I found a Christmas ornament that I think really will do a good job of welcoming Hedgelina to my list of friends.  I am hereby designating  this the 2017 Official Bob Christmas Ornament.  I think it’s quite fitting with its “You Can’t Touch This” theme music.  Quite fitting, indeed!

2017 Official All Things Bob Ornamenthedgehog ornament

I hope you all have a lovely day…and just remember…even though someone may not look like you, or talk like you, or even smell like you…they still have feelings and want to be accepted.  Diversity is your friend.

Very truly yours,

Bob the Writer


  1. That’s lovely, Bob. I’m so glad you and Hedgelina have become friends. She obviously has some knowledge of the world. Perhaps she will co-author an article or something with you.

  2. Good for you, Bob. A new friend is always a great thing. I hope you and your new friend continue to converse with each other and that you will be able to tell the woman her name and how terrified she is of water. Perhaps you might ask her to try to use unscented wipes to clean her up and not put her in the bath unless absolutely necessary. They make cleaning wipes for pets now but perhaps regular wipes will do the same. I couldn’t see much difference

  3. What an inspiration you are, no cat or person for that matter could have said that any better. How very true.

  4. Wow, Bob! I’ve been reading your tale of woe on FB, and it’s so wonderful to know that you’ve made a new friend, and didn’t have to divorce the woman in the process! All you need is love, Bob!

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