I have recently had several interesting conversations with Miss Ellie the Hedgie. I have to say, I believe she may very well be the most misunderstood living thing on the planet. I know, I know…I nearly divorced the woman because of Miss Ellie, but…I guess that was because I didn’t really know her. She didn’t look like me. She smelled different. She was all prickly. She sleeps all day and is awake all night. She lives in a cage. I just didn’t know what on earth to think.
Over the past week, I have spent some supervised time with her. I realize the woman thinks that she is Doctor Doolittle and can talk with animals but I think she’s clearly missed a few things with Miss Ellie:
First of all, I was shocked to find out her name is NOT Eleanor Rigby. Her name is Hedgelina. She is quite upset that the woman continues to call her by the wrong name. I explained to her that the woman did the exact same thing to me on the day I rescued her. She called me J.R. because I saved her on the same day the guy who played JR Ewing died…*oh, I’m sorry…did I just roll my eyes out loud?* She called me J.R. for the longest time. Can you believe that? It was maddening!
Secondly, the woman gives Hedgelina baths because…well…in all honesty she gets stinky…she steps in her poo when she runs on her wheel. Unfortunately, Hedgelina is scared of the water. I mean…she is terrified. She has tried to tell the woman she is scared but the woman just doesn’t understand. The woman may speak cat but she clearly does not speak hedgehog.
Finally, Hedgelina really does not feel one way or another about the vile beasts except…she likes me and enjoys talking to me and she absolutely despises the vile beast named Freddy. She says that Freddy was Lord Voldemort in #3 of his past lives. I KNEW IT!
I’m really sorry I threw a few hissy fits at Miss Hedgelina when she first got here. I’ve promised to never do that again. She’s clearly an outstanding judge of character. I told her we could be friends. So I found a Christmas ornament that I think really will do a good job of welcoming Hedgelina to my list of friends. I am hereby designating this the 2017 Official Bob Christmas Ornament. I think it’s quite fitting with its “You Can’t Touch This” theme music. Quite fitting, indeed!
I hope you all have a lovely day…and just remember…even though someone may not look like you, or talk like you, or even smell like you…they still have feelings and want to be accepted. Diversity is your friend.
Very truly yours,
Bob the Writer