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All.Things.Bob.

I am Bob. I am in a constant state of disgust. My house is filled with stupid cats….and a hedgehog.

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May 14, 2017 Jenny

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Published by Jenny

In my professional life, I'm the VP of Global Marcom for a Fortune 100 company. I spend my days being a strategic communicator with a passion for all things healthcare, tech, social media and IoT. In my personal life I'm focused on family, yarn and everything that "meows". Every single day I'm fueled by coffee! Follow me on Twitter and LinkedIn for updates on strategic communication, social media, and content marketing...and maybe a few cat pics here and there. View all posts by Jenny

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theworldaccordingtobob

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***GIVEAWAY CLOSED*** Winners will be announced at 1:00 PM eastern today!!!....................................................................................
Happy Monday! I had to take the weekend off because I was exhausted after all the work I had to do to get the woman to degrassify my yard. I swear there are days I think my work will never ever be done!

I wanted to start the week by simply saying “I love you” to each of my friends here on the internet. You have stuck by me even when the woman is derelict in her duties and we go weeks and weeks without a single post. So, I decided that I want to do a #Giveaway just for you. This is not an ad...the woman and I found these very cool cat carriers and wanted to share them with you. So, we bought a couple and are going to give 2 of our friends free carriers because we love you! Here are the details for entering Bob’s “I Love You” Free Cat Carrier Giveaway:

1. Like this post and follow me. Winners can be located anywhere in the world BUT must be following my page.

2. Tag two BFFs who love you, too, and also might like me.

3. Tell me something about your pet(s). 4. Entries will be accepted until Friday, July 5th, at 12:00 AM Eastern Daylight Savings Time.

5. Our 2 winners will be announced on Friday, July 5th, at 1:00 PM eastern.
I love you all and thank you for being my friends...you make my days brighter.

#Giveaway #allthingsbob #catsofinstagram #rescuecats #rescuecatsofinstagram #ImtheluckiestcatintheworldexceptforallofthevilebeastsIhavetolivewith.

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The woman is FINALLY degrassifying my yard!!! Oh gosh! I’ve got to hurry up and cancel the herd of goats I ordered... #allthingsbob #cats #catsofinstagram #degrassification #yardwork #acatsworkisneverdone

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Hi everybody.
I'm not having such a good day today. I stayed up writing late into the night and now I'm exhausted. I'm working on a very important article that will be published on my blog just as quickly as I can finish it. One week from today is Independence Day here in the US. People like to set off fireworks that make loud noises. It scares vile beasts and sometimes they run to try to get away from the scary noises...and sometimes they don't find their way back home. I'm writing an article to give people tips on how to keep their beasts safe. I'm working so hard on this because, as much as I detest vile beasts, I don't want them to be scared or lose their homes. I do hope you will read it once I post it.

In other news, yet another day has passed and...MY YARD HAS NOT BEEN DEGRASSIFIED...there are now wild beasts setting up nests in my backyard. I hope by the time I wake up from my nap, the grass has magically mowed itself seeing as that the woman is not interested in doing it.

Very truly yours,
Bob . . . #allthingsbob #catsofinstagram #rescuecatsofinstagram #pleasedegrassifymyyard #july4thfireworks

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The woman had to travel for work yesterday. She got home much later than usual. I had supervised the vile beasts all day and was exhausted. I really needed her to step it up and take over while I rested and did some work on my book. She just does not seem to understand that I am never going to get my book published at this rate...it's not going to write itself!
Do you know what she did? She fed everyone, gave out medicine to the beasts who need it, cleaned the litter boxes and then...she went to bed. I mean, seriously...she went to bed. Before she turned off the lights she said "Everyone, Bob is in charge. Be good and let mommy sleep." Yes, this is a picture of me giving her the stink eye. Needless to say, we will be having a very direct conversation about her conduct later today.
For now, I am going to sneak off to my office and try to collect my thoughts. #allthingsbob #rescuecats #rescuecatsofinstagram #youvegottobekiddingme #mybooksnotgoingtowriteitself

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This morning as I was supervising the woman's application of her makeup (trust me...it takes a village...she has no fashion sense whatsoever), I reminded her that exactly 6-months from today is Christmas Day. She needs to begin making her list and checking it twice...and, by the way, that would be the list of things she will give me for Christmas. I really need her to be proactive this year. Her typical rolled up ball of tin foil that she tosses across the floor as a toy may work for the vile beasts but it will NOT be suitable for me. I have high standards. #straightenupandflyright #6monthsfromtodayischristmas

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I must say...I am a little bit disgusted. Now you all know that I love the woman with all of my heart but she is simply slacking on the job. The grass in my front and back yards desperately needs to be cut. I mean, wild beasts have taken up living in the jungle that has grown up around my house. You would think the woman would have enough initiative to mow without needing to be told. You would be wrong if you thought this. When I gave her instruction to go outside and please degrassify the yard, she gave me lame excuses about having vertigo and not being able to stand up straight without falling over. I mean, seriously...priorities, please! You just cannot find good help anymore.

If anyone would like to come mow my grass, I will compensate you with head butts and possibly a few kisses (but no promises on the kissing part). #allthingsbob #bobthewriter #catsofinstagram #rescuecatsofig #youcantfindgoodhelpthesedays

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OH MY GOSH! The woman's sister lives in the mountains of western North Carolina. She was sitting in her living room last night minding her own business when this guy came bounding onto the porch and looked in the window! As you can imagine, it scared the living bejeezuz out of her! Look at his ginormous paws and claws! Can you imagine having him as a peeping tom??? #bigassbear #blackbear #crappedmypants #scary #catsofinstagram #rescuecats #rescuecatsofinstagram #rescuecatsofig

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Dearest woman,
I have poured my heart and soul into a poem I've written just for you in celebration of our 5 year anniversary today. I hope you enjoy it.

How Do I Loveth Thee?
How do I loveth thee? Let me count the ways.
I loveth thee because thou arteth my soulmate.
I loveth thee because thou loveth me more than all the rest.
I loveth thee in spite of all the vile beasts thou hast brought into my house.
I loveth thee even though thou leavest me for many hours and are not attentive to my needs because thou goest to thy new job.
I loveth thee because thou would move heaven and earth to serve me salmon and smashed potatoes with butter and real creams.
I loveth thee for making fuzzy sock nites a real thing.
I loveth thee for saving me from a life filled with hunger and never knowing love.
I just loveth thee. That is all.

Okay, what did you get me for our anniversary?
Loveth,
Bob

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Tomorrow marks my 5 year anniversary with the woman. I am hard at work today in my office today writing her a very special poem. I am not certain but I believe she is planning something spectacular for me...although she does not have the most stellar track record in that regard. I am hoping the poem I am writing will remind her of my talents and help her remember just why she adores me so. If you want to learn more about my story, visit my blog to read how my love story began with the woman. Link is in my bio. #allthingsbob #catsofinstagram #manlycats #manlycatsofinstagram #bobthewriter #Imwritingabook #tomorrowisouranniversary

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Happy Thanksgiving to all of my US friends and everyone around the world. All is well in my house. The women’s new job has kept her very busy so we haven’t been around much. But I promise to post more later. I love you all. #allthingsbob #happythanksgiving

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